Are You Loving Yourself Too, Mama? 5 Mindful Ways to Help You Practice Self Love Every Day
Hey Mama.
I see you.
You are tired. You are empty. You are angry. You feel like a grey-washed version of the woman you were before you had kids. Your hair lives in a knot on your head and you don’t remember the last time you got to take a shower by yourself. You used to have hobbies and interests and now, you don’t even remember what they were. Kids will do that to you. They take every bit of you. Your time. Your love. Your patience. Your body. Your mind. Your identity.
You feel guilty, don’t you? You feel ashamed and ungrateful because you are #soblessed. You have the husband, the kids, the house, the car. You tell yourself to just be more thankful. You are living the life that some women want so desperately and will never have.
And still, you struggle to get through each day.
You snap at your kids. You resent them and your husband for needing so much of you. You count down the hours and minutes until bedtime. And when the kids are finally asleep and the house is quiet, you feel. So. Guilty.
Stop. That is your first step out of this. Stop feeling guilty. You ARE overworked. You ARE stretched too thin. It’s okay to acknowledge the struggle and be grateful for the life you have. Your feelings are valid and you are not alone. You are giving your family more than you have to give because you aren’t keeping anything for yourself. You aren’t loving yourself, mama. How are you supposed to keep loving everyone else if you can’t love yourself?
Self-love is difficult.
We are our own biggest critics and learning to break that cycle is challenging. Self-love goes beyond a spa day or a night out with friends. You won’t find it in the pages of a self-help book. Self-love is an ongoing practice that you have to execute with intention every single day. It’s learning to give yourself a break. Having as much compassion for yourself as you do for everyone else. Accepting that you aren’t perfect.
Developing a daily practice of self-love will change your life. These tips will get you started on your journey to giving yourself the love that you deserve.
1. Give yourself a break
This sounds easy in theory, but it takes a conscious effort. Stop judging yourself. Stop the negative self-talk. Accept yourself for the amazing, imperfect mama that you are. Your kids love you unconditionally and do not care if the dishes aren’t done or if they eat cereal for dinner sometimes. It is impossible to live up to your self-imposed expectations.
Let. Them. Go.
When you feel a negative thought start to creep in, give it space, accept it as ridiculous, and send it on its way. Thank you, goodbye. Replace it with a positive thought about yourself. It might feel weird and uncomfortable at first to praise yourself when you’re so good at doing the opposite, but this is why we call it a practice.
2. Take some time
In a perfect world, right?
If there is one thing that every mom needs, it’s more time. But even on the busiest days, try to find 15 minutes to sit still, all alone and just listen to your breath. Your mind will try to think of the to-do list and what to make for dinner and that load of laundry that sat overnight in the washing machine, but lead it back to your breath every time it wanders.
Inhale…exhale…
For 15 solid minutes of every single day, just breathe. I know it is difficult to find even just 15 minutes for yourself, but you can. I like to take my time before everyone else wakes up, but find what works for you and make it a priority.
3. Just say no
The school needs volunteers for the annual bake sale? Just say no. Your sister-in-law needs someone to keep her kids on Saturday? Sorry, no. Thanksgiving is coming up and no one has stepped up to host yet?
Don’t do it.
There is nothing wrong with saying no. You can not do it all and no one should expect you to. Helping each other isn’t bad and we should help each other when we can. But when your daily life is a challenge in itself, you have to learn to protect your space and time.
Saying no is hard, but once you are used to saying it, it is empowering. When you allow yourself to say no, you are setting healthy boundaries and loving yourself.
4. Move your body
There is endless research about the psychological benefits of exercise. Daily exercise can reduce depression, boost energy, and increase your confidence. It can also lower your stress levels.
Ease into it
You don’t have to dedicate yourself to an intense workout plan to reap the rewards of exercise. Just 30 minutes every day of something you enjoy will release tension and elevate your mood.
This will look different for everyone, but my go-to morning workout is Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. She has an extensive collection of videos of varying lengths. Whether you are just beginning your practice or have years of experience, you will be able to find something perfect for you on her channel. She is down to earth and encourages self-compassion which is something all mamas need.
5. Eat real food
It’s no secret eating garbage food makes you feel like garbage. Unfortunately, junk food is quick and easy which makes it ideal for busy moms, but it provides no benefit for your body or mind. Studies show that eating a diet of junk food can increase symptoms of depression and promote mood disorders.
Processed and refined foods lack the nutrients your mind and body need to function properly. Make an effort to eat a diet of whole foods in their natural form instead of packaged products.
An easy way to make sure you get the nutrients your body needs is to eat a rainbow every day. Choose a variety of vibrant, naturally colorful fruits and vegetables and you will notice a change in the way you feel almost immediately.
Take baby steps.
Don’t expect yourself to change overnight. Actual change takes time and practice and learning to love yourself is a challenging journey. Try incorporating one or two of these tips into your life at first, and then try another and another. Soon you will realize how important it is for mamas to have a daily self-love practice. Take that first step. You got this, mama!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201706/8-powerful-steps-self-love
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/nutritional-psychiatry-your-brain-on-food-201511168626
